For Sunday February 21, 2010
Between Us Only!
As a Human Resources Professional and Consultant, even I have found dealing with Family Members as The Most Hard, Complex and Difficult in Comparisons! Jobs are definitely easier!
You will also forgive me for saying this one too – but simply where one place where people most misbehave and misconduct themselves to unbelievable and imaginary levels – and take things for surety, most granted are in such Family relationships, interrelationships, interfaces, connections, and liaisons! Nothing is permanent in life – or to be taken as guaranteed and surety but Death only! Certainly not even in Family Relationships!
A good friend had told me of this – The very sad truth is people do feel jealous of those they actually know well in and out – and are most familiar with – and that is also Family for sure too!. Some of them are jealous and envious of you to that extent that you can find solace and mercy perhaps from an adversary and a complete stranger than one of your very own – family included!
That is why I sometimes say in this column and in my books – who needs enemies when you have these kinds of friends, family and relatives one has around us? Or as I have said in this column too – the fabric that bites your skin is the one that you are wearing it yourself. Supposed to cover and protect you, but it is the same one now that is biting you!
There is also this point that sometimes in life that you think you know everything – or from your subconscious mind that they may exist – but you do not want to look into these things – until someone takes the courage, guts and audacity – and cautions you and tells you – or reminds you of these things. But in many cases, they end up as being missed chances and opportunities – this is particularly true in Family relationships. Sometimes and in odd cases, people outside may know more of your family than you do! There is this denial effect that we particularly have with those near us and like in family relationships. I watched this film where this young boy says – my Mum is not a drunk and drug addict – she is just unhappy and frustrated in life – especially after our father left us!
Have you seen these films where a Psychologist or a Doctor misbehave and misconduct oneself to unbelievable levels in front of even a sick, ailing and dying Mother? Behaving like a spoilt, brat and in a childish and ugly manner? You will find that it is right in the family that peoples do not appreciate and value you and your achievement. It comes from this selfish, devilish and mean streak that some of us have.
I have noticed this myself. A family member will start a conversation of what he or she has read about another writer – and talk to the rest of the family about it – whilst I hear watch and listen – and sometimes things take the better of me and I cut in – I wrote on the same subject 2 or 3 years ago – are also in my books. Did you read it? You are met with a stunned silence and disbelief – and though the words are not coming out – but they are all there – so you are jealous and envious – are you not?
What do you say to a Family member who takes pride to tell others and whoever is willing and ready to listen – I have not read his books – nor his columns – and even if he sends me them – I do not read them! Even if it maybe the truth, is it all okay you as a Family member to say such things to complete strangers – to ridicule and bring down your own flesh and blood – your own family member?
In our Religion, they say that people that cause friction, divisions and strife between others are the worst kind – and especially between Family – and they face eternal damnation in The Sinners List and for Eternal Damnation only! The East Africans have this expression – when you see a family fight, take your plough and go farming – in other words – do not get entangled and involved – and you will end the loser only if they patch things and make up – and you will be seen as the villain and the evil one only.
Sometimes we humans think we are God and control other peoples’ lives, destiny, future and prospects – but we are just kidding ourselves – because there is still God out there – whether you believe in Him or not is not important or material. This element sadly can be found in many families too – you are a Doctor or Engineer – and your younger brother finished just Secondary School and is at home unemployed – and you can be very cutting, demeaning, patronising and condescending by saying to him – Why still jobless? – Why don’t you be a Taxi Driver – and you know he does not have even 5 Rials to learn driving or owning a taxi – but you from your high chair (horse!) feel it all the easy to say it – without considering the implications and results that you are now driving your bitter brother to bad friends, drugs and all the bad things – or your sister too by trying to fix her off in marriage to the first vagabond or old man that calls at the house!
I have seen Mothers that have destroyed their daughters’ lives because the Mother wanted her to be starring in Films as Actresses and Heroines! In one of the famous Arab Short Stories, this criminal thug murderous thief is about to be hanged – and he asks for a last request – not like The Western Movie where he wants to take a last cigarette smoke! He says – I want my Mother brought in front of me. The tearful Mother is brought to him – where he is seen slapping her – to the outcry and chagrin of The Hang Man! Then he says – you want to hang me? Now do it! One of the Elders asks – Wait! First explain to us what you just did! Then the boy says – my Mother let me be a thief since I was small – and she used to cherish and look forward to all the things gifts and presents I used to steal for her! Then she was asked – is this true? She said – Yes it is. To this the elder man said to the King – it is not the boy’s fault alone – both should hang! Not wanting the death of a Mother to be on his conscience too as she was not caught with any stolen goods herself, the king stopped the execution – if the boy will reform himself!
Our Late Father PBUH used to tell us – we may have a choice of whom to marry, what job we can do, what friend we want – but when we come to Family – there is nothing we can do about it! We have just to bear and grin about it – because if one part of your body like your nose smells, you cannot cut it off your body – you will have simply to treat it. Our parting words of our Late Mother PBUH whilst she still was audible were – those that want my blessings must remain united – and our Religion says too – The feet of your Mother are your passage to Heaven!
By Majid Said Nasser Al Suleimany