BETWEEN US ONLY.
Being So Sensitive!
I do not know about you – but I have been called this – from my family members, friends, peers and colleagues – and my bosses too – like an egg – touch him and it breaks – told to me whether directly face-to-face vis-à-vis or indirectly – by reference, intuition or in writing – from me and to me…….
This has been told to me – M is a person full of surprises – he is quite a nice, gentle, feeling, caring and kind person – but for his size and age – he is very soft and a very sensitive person. The smallest slur or insult – aggression – provocation – jump-start – assault and interference would set him off. Though he may try to bear and control himself for quite some time and repeated hits and blows – he then comes charging like that bull in the field – or in a chinaware shop. Or the East Africans would say like a rhino to that hunter with a gun, a tree or a truck in that jungle or game reserve. A rhino missing that target and in hitting that tree would not just stop – but collect and gather itself up – and come charging in again!
I have to admit this – even in my books too (see www.alsuleimany.com) that I have been a thorn to the flesh – pain in the (choose your part!) kind of thing – a die-hard and refuses to be kicked in (again choose!). I do not scare and get frightened that easy. If you have read my article Lady In Red then you will no doubt realize that I have been a hero so many times in my career life by standing up to bullying, aggressive, affronting and brutalizing bosses in my life – those that make others (including customers, clients and outsiders) tremble, shake with fear and run.
Some of these bosses could be otherwise very nice and even caring and feeling in their own ways, means and styles – but always are panicky, shaky, not sure and confident of themselves when faced with situations not in line – or unpredicted – and in unchartered waters or unexpected scenarios and situations. Or in crisis time, behind deadlines and schedules, firefighting situations, or not able to sell anything where the business lies in being able to sell to survive any further! They change just like in Dr. Jackyl and Mr. Hyde – or the chameleon! How many times can you tease, ridicule and fool people? Like hitting the child, and then offering him a sweet? The carrot and stick thing?
I remember in my career life when a foreign boss had told me – Get out of my office – I do not want to see your ugly face and body – very loud and clear so outsiders can hear too. They have nicknamed him as Bulldozer – bulldozes anything in its path – but this one refuses to be bulldozed! But when a local one tries to copy and emulate – I put him in his place very quickly – and bring in the customs, culture, behaviours, values, and traditions, heritage tools to bring him in line to amend, correct and remedy himself.
Do not get me wrong – I am not saying that I am perfect and have not made mistakes – some that do warrant annoyance and anger from my bosses. This is especially in having made decisions from an unreliable, untrustworthy, incapable, shaky, degradable and even vicious and evil source – making my decisions questionable. Or to be seen as opening ‘a can of worms’ kind of sort of thing – or cause public image and publicity rage, anger and fury. In more cases than one, my good and trusting nature had let me down – and I should have learnt from past experiences from that source, incident – or from other similar cases. I will never claim to have been always perfect and have not to have made mistakes.
But one has an Office, and these things are to be discussed coolly, rationally, practically and pragmatically in a closed, sensible and collected environment – not to be shouted at and screamed at and abused at in the corridors or in open offices, or with the door of the boss or in that conference meeting open. Forget about me reading about surveys why people leave organizations (People leave bosses – not establishments!), I have myself conducted surveys and research work on staff morale satisfaction (climate) and customers satisfaction surveys – and the results have always been the same.
People want respect, esteem, adherence, and acknowledgement and to be respected – it is not how much you pay them, the benefits, the facilities, the perks, the advantages and whatever else that is that plus point. The minus points are how people get treated when things have gone wrong – in crisis – or when they have made mistakes – whether intentionally in action without considering all aspects and conditions – or by error in judgement – or by default and inadvertently. The only person who does not make any mistake is that one who does nothing – or is lazy and incompetent – and docile and weak – and let others over run him and or do all the work. He is there just as a public image and advertisement thing – whilst all the decisions, action and work are done by others – even from his own subordinates!
Yes, you can call me as being soft-centred and sensitive – no dispute here. But I trust and see good in people – I do not judge and pass sentences on just innuendos, images or hearsay. I see good in people – and I want to hear from the horses’ mouth as they say, give the benefit of the doubt, and look at that person at his situation and side – and not from my side. I believe the wearer of the shoe knows where it pinches – not me. And I want to hear from him – and what he has to say in his defence. I do not want to act as Judge, Jury and Executioner – all in one.
And in friendships and families’ relationships – I too want to lead by example, practice and actions – not by empty words, rhetoric, superficiality and melodramas – artificiality – hypocrisy and double-dealings – or stabs in the back. I hate short cuts too. I believe in sincerity, kind, warm, feeling and in being genuine, fair, professional and ethical always – and if you think you will not have me for what I am it is better that way – than to tell me – come in – and then we soon part ways – because leopards cannot lose their spots – or the tigers their stripes.
Besides, I am not a young person anymore – and age kicks in! I deserve more respect, esteem and adherence now – more than ever before. And yes – I am not perfect and want to act as an angel always – I too am human – and do make mistakes, errors of judgment – and so many other things too! Butter has long stopped not melting in my mouth – so to speak! And I respect, esteem and adhere all my capabilities, competencies, talents etc in being professional, ethical – and leading by examples – my motto in life till my last breath on this earth.
So take your pick – sensitive me or not – your choice – not mine!
Happy Eid Mubarak Greetings.